identify my destiny
Nico - or Christa Paffgen - has long been a part of my life, but recently I realised I knew very little about her, beyond the Velvet Underground femme fatale facade. I've been reading about her, and listening to the solo albums she made. Mostly when I think about her I think about a woman who fails to get support from other women – she is more at home in the company of men – who she can make fancy her, who can help her get drugs – although she seems pretty good at getting those for herself.
The thing missing with her is self esteem. Is this the legacy of the rape she endured as a young woman? The loss of her dad? She is beautiful and striking – and she knows this, but she almost wants to downplay this – dye her hair, make herself look frightening rather than the beautiful Aryan blonde. She is not appreciated or valued for her musical talent – apart from later on, when John Cale praises her unique vocal style and musicality. But even he is sort of dismissive of her too – she’s an awkward, difficult woman, a junkie, obstinate and hanging on to the things she needs – drugs, and the opportunity to perform her songs.
I read all the books and articles and I still have no idea who she is. She seems like a big blonde doll, a version of Georgina, blinking now and then, but not changing her expression much, still as a statue, often off her tits. So what is there of interest? I’m not sure. But something is pulling at me.